07.05.02 Number 13
Deny Everything
Don Williams: 27505
Artine Drive, Saugus, CA
91350-2193 Ph: 661.297.3947 E-mail: [email protected]
“A language is a
dialect with an army and a navy.” – Max
Weinreich
“Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of
cheating between two periods of fighting.” – Ambrose Bierce
Late again.
As usual. Readers of DE in TAP aren’t aware that game results for Odyssey do generally go out
in a timely manner (sometimes within a few hours of the deadline), but press
often lags behind and drives the players nuts.
I try to do it faster, but I’m slime.
Bob Acheson.
I was telling Stephanie a few days ago about Bob Acheson’s passing and I
realized how much I will miss him. Like
so many other of his victims, I admired his ability and skill, and could never
quite figure out how he did to me what he did.
I was also pleased to be a long-time reader of CD. I will miss him. We all who knew him will miss him.
Iliad.
For those two of you paying attention, DE has been running two games.
Iliad was one of them. I say
was, because the game has been disbanded, almost unanimously. Believe it or not, there’s a good news/bad
news component involved. Iliad was
conceived as a game to bring seven rookies and novices into the Hobby fold as
PBM players. In that respect, it failed
miserably. After an incredibly
tentative start in S’01 (yeah, I remember my first game – barely), things
limped forward in F’01. W’01 brought
three NMRs, though I was able to solicit late orders and only one became
official. In S’02, more NMRs … and two
players avoided NMRing by holding all units in place. In F’02 the most amazing thing I’ve seen in my 20-plus years of
experience occurred when all seven players NMRed. Only Steve Cooley, the called standby, sent orders. (His comment on seeing the short history of
the game was that, if he could get in it, he could win it. He was probably right.) I contacted the players offering to continue
the game if a majority expressed interest in continuing. Three voted no, one voted yes, and three
voted not-at-all, a no vote in abstentia.
I will contact the BNC and disband the game accordingly. Some things are not meant to be. This was one.
The good news? First, two of the rookies quickly found the
PBEM Hobby and are now busily hammering away at the judges – two new lying SOBs
join 0ur ranks. They found monthly
turns too slow. Second, Steve Cooley
has been coaxed out of semi-retirement and will once again sling one of the
meanest blades in Dipdom
Not To Be Deterred. I
am starting a new game. I have three openings left. It will be a No
Press Gunboat game. I’ve never offered
one before, but based on a recent discussion with a Hobby friend, I thought I would
give it a try. If you want in, let me
know. I’ll tell you right now, it will
be aggressive and bloody.
Movies.
I’m a terrible reviewer. As is
my wont in most things, I don’t know when to quit. (The Williams Family motto, promoted by my sister-like substance,
Kim, is “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth over-doing.” It’d sound better in Latin, I’m sure.) I give too much detail, and miss important things like, the
quality of the acting, the chemistry between the characters, etc. Still, wanted to say that I recently rented
“K-PAX” (loved it), “The Virgin Suicides” (hated it, didn’t get it), and saw
“Minority Report” (liked it, but disappointed by ‘surprise’ ending), “Black
Hawk Down” (awestruck by story and cinematography), and “Behind Enemy Lines” (fell
asleep, but the part I saw was decent).
New Format.
Andy Lischett’s latest cheesecake recently underwent a change. Had to keep up with the competition.
NDIPLOMATICNIMPUNITYNSCOREBOARDN – Summer in the City
Edition
Global warming 34 You’re getting warmer, warmer, warmer, hot, hotter … hey,
it’s no kid’s game
Under God 5 Court
shows it’s possible to be right and clueless at the same time.
Inconsistency 5 And
while we’re at it, let’s get those judges’ hands of those bibles, too.
Iliad delendum est 6 Game crashes, burns – a
historical first as all seven players NMR – only standby sends orders!
Wall Street CEOs 6 Book
‘em, Dan-o. And throw away the keys.
Bob Acheson 5 A class act.
To paraphrase Andy’s “Cheesecake”, now Canada is a less interesting place.
Vacation 5 Bring it on!
DIS looking to be away all of August.
You should do it, too.
Diplomacy is the copyrighted product of Hasbro and all reproductions or other uses of the product in this publication are intended solely for personal entertainment and are not intended to infringe on those rights in any way. All costs of this publication are borne by the editor and others at a financial loss and are without profit or other commercial intent, except to promote the play and enjoyment of the game. Diplomacy can be purchased from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors. I own three copies of the game and will certainly buy more – you can’t have too many.
Deny Everything is produced by Don Williams and the players of Deny Everything. DE#13
is DipNation publication #125.
2001
A Gaming ODYSSEY
OAustria
(Lischett) A ser – BUL, F AEG.S
A ser – BUL, A VIE H.
OEngland
(Mazzer) F iri – MAO, F
spa(sc) S F iri – MAO(d;r Por,OTB), F nwg – BAR,
A
pic – NWY, F SWE S A pic – NWY, F ENG C A pic – NWY,
F
NTH C A pic – NWY, F hol – KIE, A RUH S F hol – KIE.
OGermany
(O’Kelley) A ber – MUN, A nwy
grabs his balls with one hand and flips off England with the other(h)(d;r
Fin,Stp,OTB).
OItaly
(Coughlan) A mun –
BUR, A bud – SER, A tya – TRI, F ADR S A tya – TRI, A pie – MAR,
F gol – SPA(sc), F WES S F gol –
SPA(sc), F tyn – ION, F ion – GRE,
F EAS S (RUS) F SMY
ORussia
(Clark) A
RUM S (AUS) A ser – BUL, A SEV S A RUM, A UKR S A SEV, A war – MOS,
F
SMY kicks Bruce Springsteen in the groin(H).
OTurkey
(Burgess) A ARM – smv, A
CON S A ARM – smy, F BLA C (RUS) A SEV – ank(nso).
Game Notes:
Austria tri ser
gre VIE BUL 2 -1/Remove 1
England Edi Lon
Lpl Bel Bre
Den Nwy Hol
Por KIE SWE 11 +2/Build 2 (If OTB, Build 3)
Germany Ber
Stp
MUN 3 +1/Build 1 (If OTB, see *)
Italy Nap Rom
Ven Mar Par
Spa Tun Bud..mun..vie GRE
SER TRI 11 +1/Build 1
Russia Mos Sev
War swe kie
RUM SMY 5 +0/Even
Turkey Ank Con bul rum
smy 2 -3/Remove 1
34
* If A nwy retreats OTB, Germany would have
two builds but only one open center and so would play one short.
PRESS:
GERMANY to GM: Sorry. No time for press. But Kevin is doing
great, and so is AM.
MA to
GM: Certainly is a rag tag bunch of
miscreants you have in this game. No
wonder it’s so damn much fun!
MA to
RUSSIA: You’re on my list, buddy. And it’s a really short list!
RED
DUCHESS to GM: Is it not enough we have
to go through Jim Bob’s press once?
Twice is almost too much to bare, er bear! Giggle.
GM to
RED DUCHESS: I’ve seen you, Honey,
better make that “Jiggle.” As in let
loose that sexy thang …
MAIDEN
CHAINED TO ROCK to GAME: Let loose the
Jim Boob Kraken Monster. Do you know
what that monster can do when he’s loose?
Hot air and ink ALL OVER THE PLACE!
And, believe you me, I’m going to make all of YOU clean it up this time!
ENGLAND to DR
FREUD: Yes I do have an obsessive fear of small things – Germany,
Woody's brain. I also have a fear of large things – Italian navies,
Williams' penis envy. But I have long ago given up incorporating
graffiti from mingitorio walls into my press. The internet has
replaced lavatories for my source of inspiration.
MAIL
MARSHALL to ENGLAND: You step into this
town with that kind of filthy talk again, Mister, and I’m going to blast your
e-mail back to the Stone Age – along with your computer!
MAIL
MARSHALL to GM: And you, Sonny, you
better watch those twitchy e-mail writin’ fingers of yours. I’ll zap this little zine of yours into next
week – and it will STILL be late!
GM to
MAIL MARSHALL: And do you think I’ll
really give you credit for that? Gimme
a break! Saying a Don Williams
publication will be late is like predicting the sun will rise in the
morning. You got to do better.
ENGLAND to GM: So who do you like for the FA
Cup? Arsenal or Chelsea?
GM to ENGLAND: What’s an FA cup? Sounds like something the Red Duchess would wear.
ENGLAND to
TURKEY: Pay no attention to our curmudgeonly GM. I, for one, welcome your press
wholeheartedly – keep it up and all your sins will be forgiven – so that when
Gary runs you through and snatches your last center we can both enter Paradise
together and split those 70 virgins between us.
GM to GAME: Hmmm, what what the Nielson ratings for that
would be? “Here we are today, Pat, at
the virgin splitting competition here in beautiful downtown Kabul. It’s a tough field. Over there is the reigning champ, The Kraken
Monster, but the challengers are fierce.
There’s the Grimme Cockalorum from Down-Under. No, that’s not a place, that’s a nickname he got for his
peculiar, albeit it grimly effective, approach technique. And over there in the “pole” position is
Mike ‘Mazzmatic’ Mazzer, who’s raised the sport of virgin splitting from an art
to a science. I mean, look at the size
of that ‘torch’? Amazing. Simply incredible. Looks like he’s kept that Viagra sponsorship … yes, the Pfizer
logo is still tattooed proudly on both sides of his … uh, him. Titilla … er, fascinating. Finally, in a new-to-the-sport addition,
there’s the Red Duchess, sporting those incredible FA cups – it’ll be
interesting to see how she uses those to her advantage. They look more designed for smothering than
splitting, but I hear she’s highly adept and will make her mark here in the
competition. So, what do you think, Pat
… oh Hell, Pat … well, go get some tissue and clean up.”
ENGLAND to
GM: You see why I never win games? Quoth the Press Judge
"You let Mazzer kill Woody!" Fact: Italy owns
Paris, Marseilles and Spain (for the moment) – but who gets blamed (if that's
the word) for killing Woody? The alledged Hobby Sex Ghod should have
said "You let Mazzer get credit for killing half of Woody!" – C'mon
Terry, get it right.
GM to ENGLAND: Oh, poor you! Next thing you know, you’ll be projecting again …
ENGLAND to
GM: First you were obsessed with the size of my equipment – now you
are obsessed with my "dating" Gary and then start mentioning a bunch
of Greeks – are you getting a little light in the loafers, my boy?
GM to GAME: See what I mean?
GM to
MAZZMATIC: And just who are you calling
“your boy”. You stay away from me.
ENGLAND to
VENICE: Loved your allegory, but one
quibble. "Turchia" is far from being a
maiden. Turchia has had more things go between her legs than Bill
Buckner in the '86 series.
ENGLAND to
TURKEY: I welcome your sincere efforts to become a Golden Age press
writer and, Williams' snide remarks to the contrary, you have much
potential. If you would permit me, a few tips:
1. Insult
the GM a lot
2. Refer to your favorite movies and
incorportate them into parodies – you can switch from one to another at will,
consistency is not a high priority
3. Insult the GM a lot
4. Insult Gary a lot
5. Refer to Williams' penis envy and
latent homosexuality
6. Express nostalgia for the days when
Kathy Caruso was young and nubile
7. Express nostalgia for the days when I
was young and nubile (I think Grover Cleveland was president)
8. Refer often to the '86 World Series and
Bill Buckner
9. Insult the GM a lot.
GM to ENGLAND: I wish you’d run a game or two and let this table
be turned.
ENGLAND
to GM: Be careful what you wish for ... a few seasons ago I bemoaned the
fact that I was the only one writing press and now ... Jim-Boob.
ENGLAND
to THE PLAYERS IN ILIAD: Please don't draw conclusions from what you see
in this game ... Dip players aren't all like this.
GM
to ENGLAND: Too little, too late. It what may be a first of it’s kind
anywhere, the players of Iliad all NMRed on the same turn. I’m sure it’s all Burgess’ fault. Or yours.
(And, no, I’m not kidding. The game
goes this issue. Go look.)
ENGLAND
to SULTAN: Turkey's prospects in the World Cup are not that bad.
Despite the fact that they are in a bracket with Brazil, the other two sides
aren't that imposing – China is making its first appearance and doesn't figure
to figure. Costa Rica is on a down tick after its qualifying. Look
for the Turks to advance to the round of 16 or perhaps to the quarters.
Now Italy look like a serious threat to win it all – World Cup and Odyssey. On the other hand,
with the injury to Beckham, and their placement in the "Group of
Death" with Argentina, Sweden, and Nigeria, England is no longer a threat.
ENGLAND
to GM: Let's see – Italy viciously stabbed Turkey, Italy viciously
moved to protect herself from England's vicious stab. England
viciously stabs Italy and Russia. Russia viciously stabs
Turkey. Germany viciously moved to
regain
Kiel. Germany viciously visits Norway
(temporarily). Turkey viciously dies. This is not your
mother's dip game. Austria is pretty nice, though.
ENGLAND
to GERMANY: Enjoy the fjords. But it will be a short
stay, mein Herr.
ENGLAND to
RUSSIA: Speak to me, Bwana. Rule Number One – always talk
with your opponents, especially those who can take supply centers from
you. I wanted very much to work with you last season – still do, but
communication has to be two ways.
ENGLAND to
RUSSIA: Then again, Rule Number Two says never fight on two
fronts. As you can see, Italy and I never bothered to get past Rule
#1.
UNCLE BERTIE to THE
POPE: You've come a long way since Garibaldi bottled you up in the
Vatican, Your Holiness. Now with the help of your lickspittle
lapdogs, Russia and Austria, you are spreading your Popery all over the
Mediterranean. Perhaps the time has come for another Risorgimento.
GM to ENGLAND: That was a very bad thing to say. MA thinks it means “greatness” …
RED
DUCHESS to VENICE – I once had greatness thrust upon me … too bad he had a
short trigger on the gun though. Sigh
...
GM to MA
& RED DUCHESS: Must it always end
with a shudder, and a gasp, and a whimper with you two? This is a family zine.
MA to
GM: Don’t look at me – you’re the one
who let her in the game.
ENGLAND to
GM: It occurs to me that with all these Italian fleets floundering
about, it might be time to bring Admiral Beppi out of
retirement. (What am I saying?? I've already released the
Boob.)
GM to ENGLAND: I think you are demented.
ENGLAND to
SULTAN: If you are not too busy having your units annihilated, Oh
Angel of Allah, perhaps we could try to do something about this meddlesome
priest?
GM to GAME: The above sounds suspiciously like press
from the next season but, what the fuck, let’s leave it here.
DUNKIRK: In
what can only be described as a miracle, several thousand British troops were
convoyed off the beaches of Dunkirk by a motley array of fishing smacks,
freighters, luxury yachts and tugboats under cover of darkness, barely in time
to escape the invading hoards of Parisians who were bound and determined to
force the Tommies to listen to lectures on Sartre and Deconstructionism, while
being forced to watch Jerry Lewis movies. Said Field Marshall Sir
Evelyn Sims-Smythe-Smedly, Commander-in-Chief of the Expeditionary Force –
"We'll visit Paree another time."
NEAPOLITAN
CHRONICLES [Naples] ... Delenda est Carthago ... Habakkuk 1:5-9 ...
Chi non fa, non falla ... Ether 10:19 ... 'Road to Damascus' vision ... Smyrna
Spurn-a ... A R-A-T in the East?
AUTUMN HAIKI BY
TOGA: "Poor autumn butterfly! In vain it chased the setting
sun, And in the grass must die."
ITALY to
EUROPE and GM: Sorry, none of the three draws proposed last season
will have Italy's seal of approval.
Although I was extremely attracted to the G-A-R-T one, I
finally decided it just wasn't for me after all!
ENGLAND to GM:
I distinctly remember killing Woody and completely eliminating any vestige of
him from this game so why do you still list his name, address and email
address? I think it shows a glaring lack of respect for my butchering
skills.
GM to ENGLAND: Just something else I do to addle your pate
and piss you off. Nice to see it
working.
ROME to
LONDON: Three "friggin" fleets, you say? I
thought for sure there were six, with maybe one more on the way this
upcoming Winter ... Your "sailors" jibe reminds me of a song about my
SIX fleets....."They want you, they want you" (Think
"Village People")
GM to ROME: We prefer not to.
ROME to
BERLIN: England can't count, it seems, when he grossly
underestimated the number of fleets I have. I wonder if he is
also under the false impression that you have only two units instead of
three? Perhaps this would be a good time to remind England how little
Senegal had a upset victory over defending soccer world champion France in the
opening round.
[ROME] Words
of the Emperor Augustus: "Wars, both
civil and foreign, I undertook throughout the world, on sea and land, and when
victorious, I spared all citizens who sued for pardon. The foreign
nations which could with safety be pardoned, I preferred to save rather than to
destroy." The policy of the present Italian Government is exactly
the same 1,905 years later ...
NEU NUOC AO NOI DOI
ANH CO LE O NAM NHUNG TOI HY VONG SAU NEU NUOC ANH DE ANH DU NUOC THUY DIEN
MA to
GM: Any chance, seeing as how we have
press in Vietnamese already, of getting some press in Italian out of you?? I would consider it a personal favor.
GM to
MA: Isn’t the stuff from Gary and Mike
enough? I know how you get at the sound
of Italian …
MA to
GM: Pretty please – with whipped cream
and a cherry?!
GM to
MA: Non ci sono neanche un cerino di
queste parte, donna mia. Ma ti baccio
lo stesso, ragazzace!
MA to
GM: You are soooo good to me!
GM to
MA: Better than you know, bella gioia.
EVIL SOCRATES to
ITALY: " Me ne frego dei suoi ordini!"
TRANSLATION: I don’t give a damn about your orders!
ITALY to
EVIL SOCRATES: "Non me ne frega niente !"
TRANSLATION: I don’t give a damn about anything!
MA to
SOCRATES: You are the cutest duck I’ve
ever seen. Wanna come over to my place
and play ‘pillow’??
SOCRATES
to MA: Sure, toots. You’ve got a couple of the damn finest
pillows there I’ve ever seen. Say, pal,
are those FA cups?! Who the Hell needs virgins? C’mere sweetmeat! I can’t
drown – I’m a duck!
ITALIA a
TURCHIA: Il cavallo di Troja non si fara.
TRANSLATION: You won’t be playing the Trojan Horse.
GAME to GM:
That was Turkish, not Vietnamese. How many idiots did you send to the
wrong dictionary or the wrong restaurant?
ENGLAND to GM:
Regarding the draw proposals, and since they haven't been eliminated – yet – I
think Germany, Austria, and Turkey should each have a full vote instead of just
a 1/2 vote apiece, pint-size though they may be.
GM to ENGLAND: The only thing pint-sized around here is
your brain. Read the HRs.
AUTUMN HAIKI BY
CHIKUTEI "Grieve for it as we may, The autumn comes for
one and all, And sweeps us all away."
ENGLAND to
TURKEY: Speaking of that cauldron, it looks like you are in it with the
three "double, double, toil and trouble" MacBeth witches all round
it, stirring some "Turkish" broth with eye of "Boob".
ITALY to
RUSSIA: England and Turkey are smarter than we think. Both of them
have now figured out that neither you nor I are Bob Olsen, who's been out of
the game for some seasons now. How does that little "Oz" ditty
go ..."if I only had a brain" ...
ROME to
LONDON: How about a little "German" fire, Scarecrow!!!
ROME to
LONDON: "Mold"? Surely your eyes are deceiving you.
Let me come a little closer so you can get a real good look ... Now then, what do you see? Hint: Brush up on your "Beowulf".
There's some real monsters out here.
ROME to
DAF: Please allow me to re-introduce myself ... It’s Grimme, Grendel Grimme. Nice to meet you again, after 15 years ...
ROME to
VIENNA: Sorry, Andy, but when my e-mail was out for a month, I got really
paranoid and begin to suspect everyone of conspiring against me and you were my
"Achilles' Heel" in any of their plots. And I fully expect you
to have likewise moved against me this very season so I made the
reluctant, and very secretive, decision to protect Italy's heartland.
ROME to
GM: And I have a very BIG heart.
GM to ROME: So we’ve heard, though we’re wondering that
your cockalorum may be even bigger.
MA to
GAME: Sailors and evil boobs and
cockalorums – now, I may be out of line here, but when was the last time the
lot of you got laid???
ROME to DAF: I know just what you mean when you said my
aura had "WORD" in it! "Cockalorum" is one
of those delightfully, wonderful words, isn't it? Just let "Cockalorum"
roll around in your mouth, let "Cockalorum" swirl from side to
side (No teeth! This is
"aspirated" after all ...) and wrap your tongue around it and
pay close attention to each ... syllable before you ... before you ...
before you ... purse "Cockalorum" with your luscious lips and release
it. Get it? Got it. Good!
ROME to GM: I
don't know which is worse ... Jim-Boob's press or printing my press twice in
the same game report!
GM to ROME: It’s a dead heat in my book.
ROME to DAF:
One of my goals is to re-establish the "Orient Express", from
Paris to Constantinople under Italian control but, due to English
machinations and a Turkish reluctance to commit suicide, I've
probably lost both my terminuses. Got a remedy for a lost
terminus you vixen, you?
ITALY:
Remember, real baloney comes from Italy!
ROME to
BERLIN: So, are we both agreed to vote the English back
onto their island ?!
ROME to THE BOOBISH
SULTAN: Speaking of Tennesseans imitating dead people, did you ever see
the worst Elvis movie (yes, some are worse than others ... ) called "Harum
Scarum"? I think you're starring in a remake!
ROME to GM:
And if Mazzer snatched Paris, that reminds me of another movie ... The
Hunchback of Notre Dame! But unlike Charles Laughton, he'd need no
make-up at all ...
HOODED MONK to TORCH
of CUPID: Is that a trouser weasel in your pocket or are you just
glad to see me?
ENGLAND to
GM: I never really believed you were censoring my
press. I was just following rules #'s 1,3 and 9 of my suggestions to
the Boob.
ENGLAND to
ITALY: With all these Italian fleets swanning about, you are going
to have to call in some of your old, retired naval officers. Any
chance that you could recommission Admiral Beppi?
ENGLAND to
GM: Remember Admiral Beppi, Don? Proof positive that Boob
was not the only one who could write awful press.
GM to MAZZER: I remember the press line, and I remember it
was particularly bad, but I don’t remember the author.
ENGLAND to
DAF: As soon as my next shipment of argaiV comes in, you wanna go
out on a date?
ENGLAND to
ALL: Did any of you all stay up and watch the good ol US of A whup
them Portegee? For those who don't know to what I am referring, I
would highly recommend you become aficionados of the beautiful
game. By the time I'm off to the home and in Depends (which won't be
too much longer), the US will be a world soccer power. You heard it
here first.
ENGLAND to
TURKEY: My condolences, hang in there.
Icky White Space Left Because Some
People Didn’t Send Press – Don’t Let This Happen To Your Game!
2001
A Gaming ODYSSEY
ENG's F spa(sc) R
POR
GER's A nwy R FIN
OAustria
(Lischett) NMR. GM removes F aeg. Has As BUL, SER.
OEngland
(Mazzer) Build As EDI,
LON. Has As EDI, LON, NWY, RUH; Fs BAR,
SWE, NTH, KIE, ENG, MID, POR.
OGermany
(O’Kelley) Build A BER. Has As BER, FIN, MUN.
OItaly
(Coughlan) Build A VEN. Has As VEN, SER, TRI, BUR, MAR; Fs WES, ADR,
ION, GRE, EAS, F SPA(sc).
ORussia
(Clark) No
Adjustment. Has As MOS, UKR, SEV, RUM;
F SMY.
OTurkey
(Burgess) Remove A arm. Has A CON; F BLA.
Game Notes:
Austria Vie Bul 2
England Edi Lon
Lpl Bel Bre
Den Nwy Hol
Por Kie Swe 11
Germany Ber Stp
Mun 3
Italy Nap Rom
Ven Mar Par
Spa Tun Bud
Gre Ser Tri 11
Russia Mos Sev
War Rum Smy 5
Turkey Ank Con 2
34
PRESS:
WINTER
HAIKU by BASHO: "Killed by the great snowfall, all dead and withered
lies the grass, that lately waved so tall."
GM
to BASHO: Something similar is to be
said for your good GM.
NEAPOLITAN CHRONICLES [Naples] ... The handwriting on the wall ... Exodus 2:14a ... Valkyries are loose ... Behold now, Behemoth! ... Ecclesiastes 3:3 ... Emphatic reduplication? ... Ether 12:40 ? ... Mazzer's rampancy and no laurel trees for Daf! ... Ammazza l'arbitro!
GM
to ALL: That’s Italian for “Kill the
referee” … loosely, it could also mean “Kill the GM!”
KNUH
FO NAM ? EM CO MUON THEO ANH VE NUOC THO-NHI-KY KHONG? CHUNG TA DEN NOI
KHAC CHOI DUOC KHONG? NUOC AO?
GM
to GAME: I have no bloody clue what
that’s about.
WINTER
HAIKU by RIUKIO: "The hail beats down, a true bane, a hunted hare bursts
from the reeds and races o'er the plain."
ROME
to THE BOOB: Jim-Bob, although right
now I prefer you as Asia "Minor", why are you, of all
people, trying to speed that "minorization" by trying
to convoy the Russians into Ankara?!
[ROME]-
A sampling of various organs ... of communication from all over Europe
that are just now reaching the Italian capital ... Paris's biggest
daily newspaper, Le Flambeau Francais de Cupide ("The
French Torch of Cupid"), is frankly puzzled as to why the
English barbarians didn't seize Paris this past Fall.
Le Flambeau Francais de Cupide speculates that England's
well-known, irrational anti-German phobia caused Lord Mazzer to
temporarily spare Paris the horrors of "Beef" Wellington and
Yorkshire pudding and that the English whores, uh, hordes will convoy in
and invade in even greater force in Spring 1906. Encouraged by the arrival of an elite Italian army in
Burgundy and the adhesion of a resurrected Germany as an ally, Parisians
thronged the streets, waving flags and shouting en masse: "On to
Belgique! On to Gascony! On to Brest! On to the Mid-Atlantic!"
The Italian Government feels
that the English are seeking to avoid unduly alarming
Europe which was Italy's own unfortunate experience in 1904. Rome's La Fiaccola Italiana di Cupido ("The
Italian Torch of Cupid"), stated: "England does not want
all Europe to see how powerful her position has become and the
temporary, and it is temporary no doubt, sparing of Paris is but a
feeble attempt by the Mazzerite ruling clique in London to disguise that
unparalleled concentration of power and momentum."
The Italian Foreign Minister
added: " With two new armies, England's growing menace
continues unabated and the English can now convoy anywhere from
Norway to North Africa! So what if they only get two builds instead of
three in 1905. If England can escape
unscathed by hoodwinking a disunited Europe just a little longer, next
year Lord Mazzer will indeed have three more builds in addition to
the two this year – Paris, Berlin and St. Petersburg. The situation is
very grave."
Spain's largest newspaper, La
Antorcha Espanola del Cupido ("The Spanish Torch of Cupid"),
exults in the expulsion of the English savages and the return to the welcoming
embrace of the Italian motherland: "Chopping off one of the English
Octopus's nasty, grasping tentacles has not only liberated Spain, but it
is only the beginning of what will be a very tough fight. We are
ready! Let there again be an
Armada and let it be crowned with success!
And the final issue of Italy's
German-language newspaper, Die Munchener Fackel der Kupid
("The Munich Torch of Cupid"), heartily approved of the
anti-English alliance with Germany, signified by Italy's enthusiastic
return of Munich to the Kaiser: "A revived Reich, due to Italy's
preference, so very unlike England, for long-term benefits over
selfish short-term gratification, will unhesitatingly fight at Italy's
side and henceforth unflaggingly flail the
English "Octopussy" who has bullied the
Germans for much too long. Sieg Heil!"
GM to ROME: That last sounds an awful lot like German …
it just went on and on forever.
ITALY
to GM: In ufficio, lei dorme sempre?
GM
to ITALIA: Neanche una volta,
ragazzo. A me mi piace il mio lavoro e
especialmente il mio ufficio.
ITALY
to TURKEY: Vada a farsi friggere ...
GM
to TURKEY: Just so you know, he isn’t
being very nice.
ITALY to
GERMANY: Spaventapasseri? (Vogelscheuche?)
GM
to GERMANY: Ditto, though it’s not as
bad as what he said to Burgess.
ITALY
to DAF: When I asked Mazzer what were
the most necessary things in life, he sent such a reply that I cannot say it in
English or else the Mail Marshal would surely intervene just as he did last
time in "The Case of the 'Censored' English Press". Here
is Mazzer's answer in Italian. Perhaps our GM can translate this
poem. (You can see it rhymes.) "Acqua fresca, vino puro, fica stretta,
cazzo duro"
GM
to ITALIA MALEDETTA: Where do you dig
up this stuff? You can’t even get this
out of a regular dictionary.
Schifoso!!!
SOCRATES
to DAF: Yeah, yeah, yeah … tell
Williams to blow it out his politically correct … blowhole, eh? You want a translation, Sweetie? I speak Italian better than Williams,
believe me. The above translates
directly to “Fresh water, pure wine, tight pussy, hard cock.” Can’t make it rhyme, but I can make it
sing!
GM
to SOCRATES & GRIMME: I do hope you
two are happy.
ITALY
to ENGLAND: E lei il poeta che scrive quei versi osceni sul muro?
TRANSLATION
to MAZZER: Are you the poet that writes
obscenities on the wall?
ITALY to
EUROPE: If the GM doesn't do it, translations of my Italian press
releases will be provided on request.
GM: Don’t really need to bother, thanks … I did
my best, all things considered.
[NAPLES]- Naples' weekly tabloid, La Fiaccola
Neapolitana di Cupido ("The Neapolitan Torch of
Cupid"), prints a chilling psychological portrait of the
English King who has become a terror to all of Europe because
of his GRASPING FOR HEGEMONY, drawn from a myriad of reliable
sources. Now for the edification of a European audience which needs to
know the very real danger all of Europe is facing from an England running amuck
(or is that amok? – either way it's bad for the rest of us!), here is:
"The Case of the 'Censored'
English Press" – by 'Garibaldi'
In a remote Scottish castle (think
MacBeth), the all-powerful English leader, Lord Mazzer, is spending the
winter pondering his dazzling successes, his recent setbacks, and the
plotting of his next moves to lead England to an 18-center victory.
With him is the famous Sherlock Holmes ...
Mazzer: Look, Sherlock, I want you to
get to the bottom of why my fabulous English press was censored last
season! Every single piece of dribbling drool from that idiotic Sultan
finds its way into print, and that trailer-trash Italian King's barely
warmed-over plagiaristic press not only gets published but is
printed two times in the same season as if once weren't way more than
enough. In the meantime, I'm getting
pummeled in the press war and for things I don't even do. I don't even
know this chick, Hegemony or whatever her name is, and I never once grasped
her! Do something!
Sherlock: Elementary, Your Majesty. Your press was the victim of two sinister
"net nannies", namely something called "Gwava" and someone
called "Mail Marshall". Both of them are ever vigilant and
alert for, shall we say, "naughty" language, and wot with your penchant
for sexual innuendo, your press was indeed, in a sense,
"censored".
Mazzer: Scent censored? My God, are
you saying they spray "Glade" air freshener too? Is no means of personal expression to be
left to me?!
Sherlock: No, Your OB-ness. But like you just did if these "net
nannies" think it sounds like something else, it gets
censored. And, just like I just did, why not consider spelling backwards
to thwart their censoriousness? Even the walls have ears, Your Sinep Daeh ...
Mazzer: Fine, swell, as if I'm not
paranoid enough already! But why am I viewed as the bad
guy? I mean, I didn't kill France all by myself, so why is the rap
sticking to me? Sure, I stabbed
Germany, but then who didn't? Yet I get
saddled with all the blame!
Sherlock: Think of it like the rat and
the squirrel. Both are rodents, but the
rats have a horrible reputation while everyone loves squirrels. The only
real difference is that the squirrel has a bushy tail and good propaganda.
Otherwise, he's just a rat with a bushy tail.
You need to find your 'inner squirrel'.
Mazzer: I'll think about it. But then I got kicked out of Spain, I left
Paris alone, my mortal enemy Germany even got a build due to the
never-ending schemes of the Italians. I even forgoed a build so I wouldn't alarm Europe by building
three units, unlike the Italians and their three fleets! And it's
probably Italy that's grasping for Hegemony. No, that can't be, he's
gay ...
Sherlock: O Kcas fo Tihs, the future is
very bright for you. This season you are building two new armies and you
can convoy them anywhere in Europe, at will, from coldest
northernmost Norway to hottest, tropical North Africa. And
next year, the prospects are excellent that you will conquer three new supply
centers and each and everyone of them current or former European capitals –
Berlin, Paris and St. Petersburg! Three
enemy capitals taken in one year by the English King! What glorious achievements for your reign! You've come a long way since you were too
timid to go into the North Sea for fear of offending Germany!
Mazzer: Maybe you're right. I've
been a little overwrought in my
emotions. Before you go, bring me some fresh water and a little pure
wine. I can't say the rest of that poem or the "net
nannies" will get me!
(Sherlock "obliges" Lord Mazzer and leaves. Lord
Mazzer then turns to a full-length mirror in the corner and admires his
reflection ... )
Mazzer: God,
what a handsome Knuh Fo Nam you truly are. I'm one good-looking BOS,
that's for sure. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most beautiful and
insouciant of all?!
Mirror:
Thou art beauteous, Lord Mazzer, 'tis true, but the fair Daf is
more beautiful than you.
Mazzer:
So, now I guess I get the $10.00 for Second Prize from the Bank no
doubt … but that's a different game. Okay, let's try something else, in
this game ... Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the biggest power of all?
Mail
Marshal: When you
say, "biggest power" are you really meaning it in the
sense "the most hung and the most potent" and trying to slip it
in "the back door"? Because
you cannot say that. It will be automatically censored.
Mazzer:
No, no, not at all. I never state the obvious, hyork, hyork.
I meant the strongest nation in Europe at the present time.
Mail
Marshal: Okay, I'll
let it pass this time. Go ahead, Mirror ...
Mirror: "Thou are strong, Lord
Mazzer, 'tis true, but Italy has as many SCs as you!"
Mazzer: Aren't I first in any thing –
in any category?! Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I first in anything at
all?
Mirror: The others try, Lord Mazzer, 'tis
true, but none have as much 'censored' press as you!
Mazzer:
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The End? (Oh, excuse me Mail Marshal and Gwava!) The Finish?
[ROME]-
The Italian Government has formally charged three European leaders with
"Crimes Against Humanity" AKA "Crimes Against Italy's Place
In The Sun". Indicted in absentia
are: (1) The English King, for
vulgar press releases that were censored by two different "Net
Nannies", namely Mail Marshal and Gwava; (2) The Austrian Emperor,
for being the cause of Italy's continuing display of wretched handwriting
and incurring increasing postage costs, though Archduke Andrew was
exonerated from any charges involving the Italian printer that has been out of
order since April; and, (3) The Turkish Sultan, for conspiring to pass off
his every waking word as worthy of being a press release.
Italy's Secretary of Entertainment
stated to reporters after the Rome court proceedings:
"This 'Gang of Three' shall be ruthlessly hunted down and captured, alive
if possible, brought to Rome in chains like the criminals they now officially
are, and put on display in the newly refurbished Coliseum, as in the ancient
days of the Roman Empire. There is even talk of updating the old 'bread
and circuses' games to punish these anti-Italian devils for the amusement of
the Roman populace."
ROME to DAF: I
bet you'd be an excellent "Secretary of Entertainment" ...
ROME] – With the
sincerest of apologies to Lewis Carroll and Alice, we open the saga of ...
"DAPHNE IN WINTER-LAND, 1905"
PROLOGUE:
Our heroine, Daf, awakens and doesn't know where she is. ("Not for the first time," says
the Mail Marshal, "but that's why I'm here, to protect her from herself."
– more on him in just a bit ...) //For a change, I actually agree
with the old Mail Marshal. – GM// Out
of the corner of her eye she sees a White Russian Rabbit rushing (notice
the clever mnemonic onomatopoeia or prosodic alliteration of the three Rs
… or whatever the Hell you call this figure of speech ... it takes time to come
up with stuff like this ...) //That’s certainly debatable.// away into a
big hole within which is a teensy weensy door entitled
"Odyssey". But, unlike the White
Russian Rabbit, Daf cannot get through the small door ...
Daf: "Oh, how do I get in? What's this?” (Daf sees a bottle labeled ‘Drink Me’ and a cookie marked
‘Eat Me’.) “OOOOOOoooooo, ‘Eat Me’. I think I'm going to like it
here ... a lot.” (Daf eats,
drinks, and shrinks, and is soon able to enter the "Odyssey"
hole.)
White
Russian Rabbit:
"Oh dear, oh dear! I'm late! I'm late! For a very important
date! Where are my gloves and
fan?”
Daf: “A date? With gloves
and a fan? And a rabbit? Sounds kinky – I'm in!”
Mail
Marshal: “Watch it, bitch – as in "bitch",
a female dog – so what I said is not obscene. But don't mistake my
meaning ... “
White
Russian Rabbit: “What the Hell? You're as inscrutable as the Turkish March Hare. I'm
late! I've got to get to the Soccer-Mad
Mazzer's tea party!”
Mail
Marshal: “I'm Daf's
‘net nanny’ and I censor improper comments that I think may contain
unacceptable language, or inappropriate material, such as all that wanton
English press from last season someone tried to send her. You can call me
‘HAL’. Now did you say ‘Hell’ or ‘hail’?
Daf:
“You pest, you spy, you elohssa!! Leave me alone so I can have
some fun with these Odyssey boys! So,
where's this tea party, big boy?!”
Mail
Marshal: “Careful
there, little lady, I can also spell backwards and censor that way too ... I
cannot leave a delicate flower like you un-chaperoned in this odd atmosphere.”
Pansy: “Stuff it! Who are you
calling ‘delicate’! That's a stereotype!”
Daf: “Wow! I’ve never seen a
talking pansy before!”
White
Russian Rabbit: “You
kidding? We have one in this game that
won't shut up. You ought to see the length of his ... ”
Mail
Marshal: “Watch
it. I feel you are very close to the line of impropriety.”
White
Russian Rabbit: “ … as I was
saying, the length of his e-mail messages. Gotta go!”
Daf: “Hold up, wait for me. By
the way, silly rabbit, did you know that tricks aren't just for
kids!”
(With Daf chasing the Russian White
Rabbit and the Mail Marshal chasing Daf, our three adventurers
soon enter a forest clearing wherein is a large, very
festive, dining table all set with dishes and cups and napkins enough
to feed 30 people at once, but there are only three nattering
nabobs present; the Turkish March
Hare, the German Dormouse, and Soccer-Mad Mazzer. They’re so deep into conversation, they
don't realize that new arrivals are walking towards them and hearing
everything they say.)
Turkish
March Hare: “The German
Dormouse is asleep again. So, tell me, just what was that
stupid ‘Running-away-from-Paris-when-all-you-had-to-was-walk-in-and-grab-it’
move last season, Mr. Brilliant?! Do you want Italy to win this
game? Got an answer?”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “It made
more sense than your
‘I'm-convoying-a-Russian-army-into-my-own-home-center-of-Ankara-on-a-Fall-turn’
move. Can you elucidate it to us all by explaining any rationale
whatsoever behind that tactic, Mr. Military Genius?! Or should
I say, ‘Mr. Hunted Hare?’”
German
Dormouse: “Talk about
Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum ... ”
Turkish
March Hare: “Oh, go back to sleep! They're not going to be in this skit.
Trust me.”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “Like Mr. Hobbit here trusted you
not to reveal his Livonia convoy to Russia that time? Or the time
before that when you didn't warn him, though you knew, of the upcoming
4-way stab of Germany?”
German
Dormouse: “I'm a
dormouse, not a hobbit, although I do somewhat like ‘The Lord of the
Rings’. Look, the Russian White Rabbit
is here for our ‘discussion’ with him.
But who are those other two?”
Turkish
March Hare: “Welcome one and all. That's it,
everyone find a place at the table and sit down, all nice and comfy.
Would you like some wine?”
Daf: “Yes, thank
you, though I'm a St. Pauli girl myself.
Daf's my name, fun's my game!
But I don't see any wine.”
Turkish
March Hare: “There isn't
any! But stick around and I'm sure Soccer-Mad Mazzer will provide
the ‘whine’ sooner or later. Maybe about his famous ‘censored’ press.”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “At least I
have what can be construed as press.
Hello there, Beautiful! Coffee, tea or ... me?”
Russian
White Rabbit: “No thanks, I'll just keep munching on these
M&Ms. I brought my own ‘Mormon tea’
with me.”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “I was
talking to Daf!”
Russian
White Rabbit: “Oh! Sorry! I thought you were,
you know, like the Queen of Lettuces is. Gay, I mean.
Both of you are a powerful eleven … but I don't swing that way.
Daf: “I like M&Ms too, 'cause
they melt in your mouth, not your hand.
Ummmm, ummmm, uuuummmp! Two elevens? Oooooo – Momma!
I AM in the right game!
What's ‘Mormon tea’? And who's
the Queen of Lettuces?”
German
Dormouse: “The Queen of Lettuces. Think green now, it’s Italy, as in ‘Let us
alone’! And "Queen" because,
well you know ... ‘Mormon tea’ is a drink with ephedra in it.
It's an herbal stimulant.”
Mail
Marshal: “Danger,
Will Robinson, Danger! I mean, Danger, Daphne, Danger! I don't
think this conversation is fit for you to hear.”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “You're the
one that censored my press, aren't you?! Fiend!! Why, I oughta ...
“
Turkish
March Hare: “Forget that
press, will you? Let's have the conversation we planned on with the
Russian White Rabbit, remember? May I
call you Corky? Thanks. Here, have some more M&Ms. My, my, you really do have an appetite
for them, don't you? Here, take the whole 5-pound bag ... now, Corky,
there is a problem in Winter-land that we hope you can help us solve. Where shall I begin?”
German
Dormouse: “Begin at
the beginning and go on till you come to the end. Then stop.”
Turkish
March Hare: “We don't
have time for all that. The Queen of
Lettuces has declared me and Soccer-Mad Mazzer here, as well as Big Bird, war
criminals. You should see what that Queen is doing to Big Bird! But we're not war criminals. We're the
good guys.”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “Sort of
like rats without tails. I mean … rats without bushy tails. But
we're really rats with bushy tails. I mean, squirrels. And everybody
loves squirrels. Isn't that right?”
Mail
Marshal: “I think there is a little too much ‘tail’
talk going on here.”
Daf: “I like ‘tail’ talk
myself. So, what are you guys going to do about this Queen of Lettuces?”
Turkish
March Hare: “We want the Russian White Rabbit here to go
see for himself how the Queen of Lettuces lies and then come back here and help
us dethrone that Queen!”
Daf: “Is to de-throne, like to
de-flower? Sounds kinky – I'm in!
Mail
Marshal: “Objectionable language is not
allowed. Censor! Censor! Censor!”
White
Russian Rabbit: “The Queen
of Lettuces lies? Like, when the Queen told me you – Turkish March Hare –
would attack my Sevastopol and my Smyrna, and YOU DID! Or when the Queen
of Lettuces told me that you, Soccer-Mad Mazzer, would take my Kiel and my
Sweden, and YOU DID! The Queen of
Lettuces helped me stay at five supply centers when both of you have done
your best to severely weaken if not destroy me. Why should I
believe a thing you say?”
German
Dormouse: “Sometimes,
I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast! I'm hungry again. Let's eat some more, boys and girl! I would like a bun please.
Daf: “Who wouldn't ?!”
Mail
Marshal:
“Inappropriate language must be censored.”
Daf: “Shut up! What have each of you learned in this
particular game?”
White
Russian Rabbit: “Some want
to use you.”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “Some want
to be used by you.”
German
Dormouse: “Some want
to abuse you.”
Turkish
March Hare: “Some want to be
abused by you. That why I write my
press!”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “That is so
hare-brained! Nobody wants to suffer
that much abuse in one life-time!”
Everyone
Else: “Here! Here! Amen!!”
Mail
Marshal: “Abuse is
not only objectionable, but censorable!”
Soccer-Mad
Mazzer: “I'm
so tired of you! Turkish March Hare, can't you do something with
this monstrosity? Use some of your
vague logic on him and drive him crazy!”
Daf:
“What does he mean, about ‘vague’ logic"?
Turkish
March Hare: “When I use a
word, it means just what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less,
especially in my e-mails. You see, it's
like a portmanteau – there are two meanings packed up into one word.”
Daf: “Curiouser and curiouser.”
Turkish
March Hare: “I'll show
you how it works since we've already made our point here anyway. Come
walk with me, Mail Marshal. I have a little story you might enjoy
figuring out. It goes this way, ‘Who's on first, what's on second ...
’"
(The party breaks up and Daf and the
Russian White Rabbit journey on until they come to a large green lawn in front
of a magnificent green palace in which the flower beds are full of
lettuces. Three workmen are busily painting three red rosebushes
with garish green paint ... )
Daf: “Excuse me, why are you
painting those red rosebushes with green paint?”
Workman
#1: “The Queen
of Lettuces wants everything green!
We've got to finish before the Queen comes or else it's off with our
heads!”
Daf:
“No, I won't say it. It's too dirty and too obvious.”
//GM
to DAF: Oh, please, give me a break …
//
Workman
#2: “And we
can barely keep up. Last year, we had to paint three rosebushes all
green, too.”
Workman
#3: “At
least these three are all red, which is somewhat easier to cover with
green. Last year we had a red one,
a white one and a black one to cover in green. That was a nightmare!”
Workman
#1: “Yeah, that
black rosebush, the ‘Munich’, was a real bitch to paint green.”
Workman
#2: “It didn't
last, either. See, it's black again. Once black, you never go
back.”
Daf: “That's been my experience,
too. What are these rosebushes called?”
Workman
#3: “The
‘Trieste’, the ‘Serbia’ and the ‘Greece’ rosebushes. There, all
done. We'll keep our heads another
year!”
White
Russian Rabbit: “Look, here
comes the Queen of Lettuces ... ”
(In the midst of a large crowd of
people is the Queen of Lettuces, all dressed in green, giving orders right and
left when Daf and the White Russian Rabbit come up to speak.)
Q
of L: “I said off
with their heads and I mean off with their heads! Well, well who's this
R.G.? You play croquet?”
Daf: “I'm Daf. I love
croquet. But what's an R.G.?”
Q
of L: “‘Real Girl’. It's what gays call
women. Bring us two of those 'Big
Birds' over here at once. I got so tired of playing with flamingos.
But what I really want is to play with some turkeys.”
Daf: “I think you already are.
I met several today at Soccer-Mad Mazzer's tea party.”
White
Russian Rabbit: “You were on their minds the whole time,
Queen of Lettuce, and you were so right. They all want to talk to me now
when they have ignored me before this last season. They mainly want to
have the ‘Crimes against Italy's Place in the Sun’ charges dropped.”
Q
of L: “Too late, too
late. Don't they know the rule is ‘Sentence first, verdict
afterwards’? Where are the hedgehogs? Off with their heads!
I'm going to replace them with some ‘hunted hares’. What I
need are some vowels. I have no vowels!”
Daf: “Vowels? What do you
mean?”
Q
of L: “With all my
supply centers, every single one starts with a consonant! Not a single
vowel among them. I must have at least one vowel before I lay my 'Big
Bird' down.”
Daf: “I'm pretty flexible
about any requirements before I lay down, ha ha! But it seems that there are only two supply centers, among the 34
in Diplomacy, that do begin with vowels.”
Q
of L: “In English,
Daf! If you check the supply centers' names in Italian, there are
three. Now you might can argue with me, but you can't argue with
phonetics and diphthongs, can you? I know I can't.”
Daf: “I absolutely love Dip Thongs!
I won't argue with them, but I do love to tease them a little.”
THE END
GM
to WINTER-LAND: You said. Good bye, see you all next time.
2001-A
Fall
1905
2001-A
Winter
1905
Arnawoodian,
Woody 602 Hemlock Circle, Lansdale,
PA 19446 [email protected]
Bond, Greg 27614 N. Ron Ridge drive, Saugus,
CA 91350 [email protected]
Bovee, John 1127 11th
Street, Suite #310, Sacramento, CA
95814 [email protected]
Burgess,
Jim “Boob” 664 Smith Street, Providence,
RI 02908-4327 [email protected]
Clark,
DeRees “Corky” 29123 Diablo Place,
Castaic, CA 91384 [email protected]
Cooley,
Steve “Killer” 23927 Ranney House Court,
Valencia, CA 91355-3336 [email protected]
Coughlan,
Gary “Grimme” 6066 Belle Grove
Cove N, Memphis, TN 38115 [email protected]
Langley,
Daf “Goddess”
Lischett,
Andy “Big Bird” 2402 Ridgeland
Ave., Berwyn, IL 60402 NA
Mazzer,
Mike “Goalman” 1900 Kelton
Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90025 [email protected]
O’Kelley,
Jim “Chum” 664 W. Irving Park Rd., I-6,
Chicago, IL 60613 [email protected]
Peterson, Dave 23312 Portland
Lane, Santa Clarita, CA 91355 [email protected]
Wheeler, Ryan 23841 Arroyo Park Drive, #801,
Valencia, CA 91355 [email protected]
Wilk, Scott 23929 Valencia Blvd, Suite #410,
Valencia, CA 91355 [email protected]
Williams, Scott 729 N. Sunland,
Ridgecrest, CA 93555 [email protected]